It's laundry day and I sit here and ponder, that this is our last laundry day together. I gathered all my clothes and chose specific things to wait on like extra blankets and throws. I stand here in the laundry mat, awaiting my clothes to be done, I am going through all the steps in my head on what else I need to do. The only thing I can do is wait & its trying. 

Silence echoes in the mind & out loud. Conversations are shorter and the nights are longer, it is starting to become uneasy. Yesterday he decided to buy 3 different parts for the truck. When the truck was purchased, he was upset that my name was on the title and told me he would make sure I did not have a vehicle if I left him. So, every time he buys something for this truck, he says it's our parts or our truck etc., knowing well it is all his. I have a huge feeling in my gut that he thinks I owe him money for all of these purchases even after I told him I do not want anything that is tied to him. I even told him what he could do to rectify the situation but to no avail he still insists that he would make sure I would not have a vehicle. So, when he got back from the store yesterday, he stated that we have $100 parts for the truck, I said "we", he said yeah, we. I said, no you mean you. It is your truck and after-all, You and I had a conversation and you have been made aware that I will be buying my own vehicle and he said, no you're not. I told you, you wouldn't have a vehicle and I meant that. I said OKAY. 

Huge relief off my shoulders. I have a vehicle, now just a waiting game. I got off work today, cooked breakfast for dinner and then crashed out soon after. Woke up to this beautiful blessing. Two weeks left and I cannot wait for this next step in my journey. 

Threw away a bunch of stuff when I got home; went through my dresser drawer and closet and started compiling stuff together. I have things in the dining room prepped, just have to get clothes from the dresser, stuff from the kitchen and garage and closet. Eventually going to have it all ready to go within a week. Baby steps to the big step, doing what's better for me in the long run. So ready for this change in my life. 

Today is my favorite holiday. It's not a holiday to most but it is to me. It's a tradition I started many years ago, one that I took solace in and one that I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Friday the 13th, the day to watch horror movies. The day where I can scare the shit out of myself and thoroughly enjoy it. Tonight I attempted to watch terrifier 3, a series I quite enjoy. My soon to be ex boyfriend cannot handle gore and even though he wasn't watching it, he still judged me for watching something that sickened him. So I decided to wait and watch it next weekend when I am alone in the hotel. Tonight is the night before fire Valentine's Day. He came home with 2 bouquets of flowers and two different kinds of chocolates. The chocolates were his favorite not mine, & I feel as if the flowers are sympathy flowers. My mind hasn't changed and I'm still continuing with my plans on leaving. Happier days are ahead of me and I can only look forward to those days. 

It is said when you love someone you feel it through every fiber of your being. I don't feel it anymore. He bought me flowers and his favorite chocolates. We had breakfast this morning at Lucy's diner in Roger's, AR. Food was decent, but there was no talking, just silence. Got home and more silence. The only thing we openly communicate on is the dog. At least by now he should know something is amiss. And maybe he does and maybe that is why he is equally quiet. Either way, I feel more safe now telling him on Friday the 20th that I am leaving on the 21st, which would give him ample time to leave if he doesn't want to be here when mom and dad get here Saturday. 

Rumors are funny sometimes. Dramatics, the flare of the truth that comes back to you as a lie. I just find it fascinating. That's all I'm going to say about that. 

It's the Sunday of my last week in this house. The last week I have to endure this behavior towards me, the last week I have to be "silent" because I'm made to feel that way. 

Well, I gave away my desk and chair, I knew I wouldn't be able to take it with me, knowing everything else I have to take. Came home and told him I gave it to my boss, he's like why? Looked confused. 🤔. I said, I don't use it much anymore and they can use it more than I can. He's like ok. With the same look on his face. 

Today is the last of many. Last time it's cordial, last meals together, lasts all of it. Tomorrow is the day. The day of officially ending emotional damage. I'm sure he will be sad and upset, but it's the best move for me and for him, he just doesn't know it yet. He will survive just fine on his own; maybe 6 months down the line he'll have a new gf & that's ok. I am perfectly happy and content with knowing I am safe, happy and in control of my life and well-being. 

It is done. I have a headache from not eating last night. 

Y'all, I haven't slept so good in a long time. Bed was comfy. I dreamt that I was already unpacking my things and getting my stuff together at the new place and I just felt so at ease when I woke up this morning.

Don't usually post twice in one day, so here this goes. 

Today is my last work day in centerton. I've been instructed to call once a week to check in for both my bank ladies and my co-besties to let them know how things are going. I've decided to drive back this evening after my hair appointment. Have a lot to do this evening and tomorrow. Hopefully Sunday I can relax. I have a headache tho. Hopefully it'll b better after my hair appointment 

I decided to make the drive to my now home a day early. I got into town about 5, looked things over and then attempted to put together a twin xl bed! 

I have been getting little messages from him, here and there, just asking if I am sure I do not want the pool table & if I know how to take things off the truck radio...and yesterday I finally got the message I have been wanting. After he told me he was moving to Florida with his brother in about a year or so, I let him know where I moved & that I got a xfr for Harps. He seemed p*ssed after that and said that he is just going to pay someone to reset the truck radio because he was tired of dealing with it & then told me that he was going to leave me alone & good luck with everything in my future. This did not hurt my feelings none & I am quite happy about things thus far. I think a change in scenery will do him some good & be mindful of his behavior a little bit more. Being close to family is more important than anything else & knowing you have a support system changes things greatly. 

Yesterday was first day as a closing manager. Basically, I checked first part of the day, faced the store, learned how they do temp checks and what some need to work on and what some are doing great at. Hope I have my codes today so I can get in on the action lol 

Oh my word! My feet are throbbing, bought new shoes and it feels like air when I walk in them but my heels are killing me. I'm n need of a massage I think. I rub my feet when I get home, but they ache every night now. It take all night in order for them to be good to go for the next day.